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Posted by Mcquiston on December 29th, 2020

Control and Responsibility

Dear Daughter,

In an earlier letter we touched on the principles of control and obligation. Lets go a little much deeper with these crucial concepts.

If you ever discover that somebodies behavior is driving you nuts, please decrease and consider the possibility of control issues on your part. Did you know that it is possible for you to attempt to control another individual and not even understand what you are doing? Its really possible. This is a common dynamic in relationships that involve drug and alcohol abuse. This dynamic is often discovered in other relationships. It is something you require to understand and comprehend in order to prevent bad relationships and increase your ability to develop great relationships.

Does it upset you when you hear somebody gossip. Does it upset you when someone acts as if they are much better than everybody else, or if someone is rude? These things can be annoying, but if you remain inflamed longer than many other people, stop and think about the possibility of control concerns.

When you are distressed by another persons habits, its normally due to the fact that they are not behaving the way you think they need to act. You may understand what the person is doing incorrect and what they need to or ought to not do. It may be clear to you that the individuals behavior is damaging. If they would only do as you state they would be far better off. You wish to assist this individual and it drives you nuts that they will not listen.

Remember that you can not control another individual. You can make recommendations, however you cant control the individual and make them behave as you think they should. The only thing you can control is your own behavior.

Some of your discomfort may be because you feel responsible for the other persons behavior. Believe about this: If you cant control another persons behavior, how can you be responsible for that behavior? If another person chooses to chatter, be impolite, or abuse drugs/ alcohol, keep in mind that they are responsible for that habits, not you.

What can you control and what are you responsible for? You can only control one thing and you are only responsible for one thing, which is your own habits. What can you do in these circumstances?

Initially, it is useful to stop and analyze the circumstance as it associates with control and obligation. Are you distress? If you are upset, is it related to another individuals habits? Were you in control of that behavior? Were you responsible for that habits? If not, then put that concern down. Take the weight off of your shoulders and feel the relief! It is always helpful to clarify what you are and what you are not in control of, and what you can and can refrain from doing.

Now that the mind is clear, believe about what you can control and what you are accountable for. Now you can stop filling your mind with what the other individual is doing and focus on what you can do. You might pick to have a conversation with the person and let them understand that what you heard sounded disrespectful or conceited.

What about the person who feels guilty due to the fact that they made someone angry? Does it upset you if someone blows up? I expect that many individuals would feel some feeling. Each individual chooses how he or she will react to a scenario. In some cases they offer it some thought and act, and in some cases they react with little thought.

Do not get me incorrect, I might end up being angry, but it will be my option. I am responsible for my own anger. You are not accountable for my anger, but you are responsible for your behavior that I am reacting to.

The point is that not only are we accountable for our own actions, however we are likewise accountable for our own responses and emotions [an https://postheaven.net/dewelaxeds/control-and-responsibilitydear-daughter-in-an-earlier-letter-we-discussed-the exception would be the individual who experiences a mental illness and a chemical imbalance that impacts the feelings]

Typically, the people around this individual bend over in reverse and stroll on eggshells to keep this individual from becoming upset. Of all, the people around this individual are trying to control another person. They are attempting to control this individuals emotions by doing whatever it takes to keep the person from becoming upset.

Second of all, these people are feeling responsible for another individuals feelings. The more the person misbehaves with his or her anger, the more embarrassed the other individuals become.

These people are reinforcing this persons unsuitable anger. All the individual needs to do is blow up and everybody scrambles to please him or her.

I am not suggesting that you should intervene in these situations and deliberately make the person angry, although that may be fun. I simply desire you to be familiar with the dynamic and not get caught up in the role of trying to manage another individual.

I hope that this is not complicated. I am informing you this to, ideally, prevent confusion. I also desire you to be aware of this dynamic and prevent trying to control another person or feel responsible for another persons behavior. Comprehending the principles of obligation and control will be valuable throughout your lifetime.

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