You can?t go Home Again, or can you?

Posted by andreapop on August 11th, 2015

How to Help Old Relationships Grow New Buds

For expats who are moving back to their home countries, one of the biggest mistakes you can make is to think that you will take up where you left off.  

Just as you have changed as a result of the years spent away from home, friends and family members have also changed, although maybe not as dramatically. 

New alliances may have been forged among family members, a parent may have aged or died, and new children born into the family.   While your family may be delighted that you’re back, they may not trust that you’re there to stay, and sometimes they’re right.   It’s normal to feel a bit like the “odd man out,” at least at first.  And sometimes it’s difficult to know just what your position is now in your family. 

You may also find that old friends have also moved on. They have new friends and activities, and maybe new careers as their children have grown.  Of course, some of us are lucky enough to have a few friends who will always be there for us, and we for them.  Still, you may find that you just don’t have as much in common with them on a day-to-day basis as you did before you left. 

What I think is important when returning home is to adjust your expectations to reflect the fact that you haven’t shared in each other’s experiences for a while, and may need some time to catch up.

Many expats talk about the fact that their family and friends don’t seem that interested in their overseas experiences. It’s important to understand that they may be uncomfortable discussing the part of your life that they can’t share. They may feel like you’ve changed and they haven’t, which can cause them to feel uncomfortable.

It’s helpful not to judge at this time, either yourself or your family and friends.    You’re all doing the best you can to embark on this new stage in your lives.    So relax and try to adopt an attitude of curiosity about those around you.  It will make them feel good, take some of the pressure off of you, and help your old relationships blossom into what comes next!

If you’d like to book a free 30 minute consult with Dhyan, please visit www.expatcounselingandcoaching.com.